End of all things
by irnan
Summary: The Winchester brothers died five months ago. For once, both the police and the hunting community are agreed on that. Shows what they all know. AU, crack!fic


_Still penniless, I am. _

_AN: Totally weird, rather mad crack!fic that ambushed me at breakfast today in celebration of Season __4. __Title from Tolkien, and one single solitary swearword._

**

* * *

**

End of all things 

"It's not that I mind or anything," Bela said irritably.

"I don't quite see how it's any of your business one way or the other," Dean snarked.

"Oh, really? Let's think. The two of you have spent the last, what, five months hiding in some farmhouse in the middle of nowhere letting everyone you've ever known believe you were dead, including me, and then you have the temerity, the audacity, to just saunter calmly down to New Orleans and start snaking my case. Polite, I must say."

"Snaking your case? We're here for the carnival, goddammit. You know, Mardi Gras?"

"It nearly gave me a heart attack when I saw that bloody car of yours."

"Do you _want_ to get shot?"

Sam groaned inwardly. Eight in the morning, and the three of them were sitting in a small café in the French Quarter eating breakfast. At least, he was eating. The other two, they had been bitching at each other continuously since yesterday, when Bela had appeared out of nowhere next to the Impala in the motel parking lot, arms crossed over her chest, glaring daggers at them.

"Did you really crash an Impala?" she wanted to know.

"69. Red one," Sam said. "Dean wouldn't hear of anything else. You know how he gets."

"Sitting right here," Dean protested.

"The police say it was forced off the road. Skid marks and what have you."

"We're just that good," Dean smirked.

"Does anyone in your little world know you're still alive?"

"They will by the time you're through."

"I think I'm insulted. Why would I tell anyone?"

"Now she thinks she's got one over on us," Sam told his brother.

Dean shrugged. "Let her."

"Have I or not?" Bela demanded impatiently.

"Not really. We weren't hiding. We were just… we needed space."

"Narrowly escaping an eternity in Hell tends to have that effect on people," Sam added.

Bela rolled her eyes. "Eternity in Hell, my arse."

"I'm sure it's a nice one," Dean quipped. "What with the surgical enhancements, and all."

"That," Bela said in a dignified tone, "was low, vicious, and unworthy of you."

"Nothing's unworthy of me," Dean retorted.

She eyed him sideways, taking in the deep suntan, the longer hair, the scruff of beard. "No, I don't suppose it is."

Dean _preened_.

"Oh, my God," Sam cut in. "You're flirting? Dude. You're flirting with Cruella De Vil. Unbelievable."

"I'm not flirting with anybody," Dean snapped. "Now be a good baby brother and pass the coffee pot."

Sam held it out of his reach with a determined set to his mouth. "Dean. I know chastity has never been high on your list of virtues, but look. Even you should know better than to hook up with a she-mantis."

Dean made a grab for the coffee and stepped on Sam's foot at the same time. Cheating, but that, as Dad used to say, was only a crime if you got caught.

Sam yelped and surrendered the coveted piece of kitchenware.

Bela did not look amused. Actually, she was rather puzzled. In all the time she'd known them, the Winchester brothers had always been on edge, tense, coiled, ready to run or fight at the drop of a hat. Now, though… now they seemed relaxed, comfortable. Happiness radiated off them both like an aura of light surrounding them, like they'd finally done everything they were meant to and were at last free of a burden she couldn't even imagine.

"Remind me again why I put up with you, Sammy," Dean said.

"Cause if it weren't for me, you'd be dead right now," Sam pointed out. "Cocooned in cobwebs in Bela's basement, larvae hatching in your chest, ready to eat their way out of your cold dead corpse and take over the world."

"Like in _Aliens_," Dean said. "The chick in the compound, who wanted them to kill her. Huh."

"You're not supposed to like the idea," Sam said, exasperated.

"I don't! I was just thinking… if, you know, after everything, if that were the way the world ended…"

Silence for a moment as they both pondered this.

"I'd be _pissed_," Sam said at last.

"Abso-fuckin'-lutely," Dean agreed.

"Check please," Bela said to the passing waitress.


End file.
